Once for Each Tooth

Did you read the advice in the Weightloss Tip of the Day today:  "Chew each bite 12 times.  This prevents overeating by giving your stomach time to realize what you've eaten?"  Now, I'm going to suggest that the 12th chew is a little too late for me to realize what I've eaten.  No doubt I've eaten some pretty sketchy things, but I knew what I was doing long before I was 12 chews into it.  Perhaps, I could prevent overeating things I can't recognize until at least the 12th chew simply by not eating things I don't recognize.  How's that for a fix?  I hope somebody's making huge money off that tip.  If he is, then surely I can expect a big check for this one:  Look at the thing you're planning to put into your mouth before you do.  If you don't realize what it is, then sniff it once or twice.  That ought to do it, but if it doesn't, poke it a few times with a fork.  Touch it.  If it seems like food, then bite it.  If you're a couple of chews into it, and I mean two, and it turns out you still don't recognize it, I'm suggesting that you spit it out.  I'm jus' sayin'.

Next, I thought we were supposed to chew each recognizable piece of food 32 times--once for each tooth.  I haven't had 32 teeth since I was 20, but I still think 32's a good number.  To me, 12 seems grossly ineffective for most food.  I swear if you chew a healthy bite of the Ruebenesque from Boloney's Sandwich Shop only 12 times, you're going to pay for it a few hours later.  The point is, look at it.  Take in the smell of it.  Touch it.  If it doesn't run when you poke it with your fork, then stab it and take it in.  Chew--a lot.  If it doesn't stand up to the process, mark it off your list of things to eat.  It's not worth the effort.